I grew up in a Methodist church in Dallas, Texas. My parents were also raised in Christian families and always told me stories about Jesus, but even though I had heard about Jesus for years, I didn’t really start comprehending who Jesus was and what Jesus did for me until middle school.
It was about December 15, 1997, less than a week into winter break of my eighth grade of school, when I got an e-mail from my head band director at Richardson North Junior High in Richardson, TX. Unfortunately it was bad news. Our assistant band director, Miss Amy Burgess, had some type of heart attack, fell into a comatose state, and was emergency lifted from a town in Arkansas to Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas.
Amy Burgess was more than just my teacher. At twenty-six years of age, she was an accomplished oboist and graduate from The University of North Texas. As Assistant Director, she taught the Concert level (intermediate-tier) band at Richardson North Jr. High, as well as ensembles at J.J. Pearce High School. She loved to pour her knowledge into her students, as well as encourage and befriend each one. Her big smile was infectious, and her heart overflowed with love, evident in every action and word she spoke. At this stage in life, she had become recently engaged and started seminary classes at Dallas Theological Seminary. It was an exciting time in her life, and the other students and I were looking forward to all the amazing changes in the next year after that winter break.
But God doesn’t always let things happen the way you plan them out to be.
During the next couple weeks, doctors worked tirelessly to diagnose and help the young beautiful woman, but to no avail. Apparently, after the heart attack, she stopped breathing for several minutes, enough to fear irreparable brain damage may have occurred. Even worse, every symptom of her state and the circumstances right before her illness confused any obvious known medical condition. No correct drug or treatment had been administered that guaranteed a full recovery.
We were all in the dark about her future. Each day I saw my beloved teacher in a coma, I felt hope slip away slowly and painfully. My heart broke for her fiancée and both her parents who rotated and stayed with her in the hospital room every minute of every day hoping she’d awake and give a coherent sign she was OK. Christmas 1997 passed by with a more empty feeling. I began to think, “Where was this hope that Jesus brought into the world?” No more good news came. News Years 1998 passed by with a more hollow feeling.
I wish and prayed that I could have turned back the clock just three weeks before. It was not as if I got to properly say a “goodbye” or give Miss Burgess one last loving hug. I never told her how much I loved her saying “hello” to me every day, and her smile melting away any angry feeling resulting from a bad test grade, a bumpy relationship, or a sleepless night. I pleaded for God to show me why this was happening to a beautiful, ambitious woman, who was just getting her feet wet in the professional world, even attending seminary to seek His face, and headed into a marriage that would glorify His name more. Though it wasn’t “cool” for a fourteen-year-old at the time, I often broke down in tears, hoping it would wash my fear and pain away.
I believed in God’s miracles at this age of fourteen, and I knew God had all the power to heal someone. But it didn’t happen. At the end of January 1998, Amy Burgess left this world to be with her Father in heaven. I remember hearing the news while I was sitting in my Spanish class, just two weeks into the new school semester. There were only two or three people in the class who knew Miss Burgess, not including my teacher, who read a short prepared statement saying something to the effect that, “I’m sorry to inform you that Miss Burgess has passed away as of this morning at Baylor University Medical Center. We understand that this may be a painful time for friends and students who knew Miss Burgess, and if you would like, you may be excused from class to talk with a counselor who is available.”
Excused from class to talk to a counselor?! I was stunned. I could not speak, I could not move, I didn’t want to believe this news. I looked over a seat in despair to my best friend in the class, Leslie, whom I also sat next to in band class, and all I could read from her face was a startling peace in her expression. I was so confused! How in the world would a counselor, who didn’t even know Miss Burgess help us who were in pain and shock? I didn’t know what to do but wait out my time in class, not hearing another word of what the teacher was saying. Finally the bell rang, and the only thing I knew to do was find my friends and my band teacher who could give me more details, and lend a shoulder to cry and mourn on.
In the next few days, I would question why in the world God let these events happen and how we were supposed to get through them. I asked my friend Leslie, “How are you so at peace with her death and why have I not seen a tear from you eyes?” She responded, “Amy is face to face with Jesus, enjoying heaven. God chose this to happen, and it might have been painful to us, but now she is in His loving presence and there is no better thing.” I did not want to believe that God wanted this to happen. There was no way in my mind God would let a woman with so much potential and chance to minister for so many years after seminary and marriage, just pass away suddenly and unexpectedly. It was not fair!
Little did I know, God used all this pain and circumstance to give me and my friends more faith, and in doing so, glorify Himself even more. In the next few months, I witnessed many acts of compassion through mourning that proved we all could still hope, still love, and still cherish the memories of our friend, Amy Burgess. My friends and I had many conversations about why God would let things like this happen, and what we could learn from it. Just the simple fact that every student, friend, parent, and teacher knew Miss Burgess had such solid faith in Jesus, meant that everyone talked about God and knew she and her family believed in a greater purpose. I knew this would have been pleasing to her. I found out that God is truly sovereign and that He truly “works for the good of all who love him” (Rom 8:28). I witnessed a steep curve of spiritual growth in my walk with Jesus, and in the lives of my closest friends. I learned I couldn’t put my trust in anything worldly, because at some point it would fail. I couldn’t look to any doctors or books or history for the correct answers, I could only plead through Jesus for God to show me wisdom and show me His grace and unfailing love.
God set in motion circumstances to teach me perseverance, so when future trials arose (and many have since), I would not be caught off guard. (James 1:2-5) I finally began to understand the amazing faith Abraham had, because even in his extreme trials and circumstances “he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised.” (Rom 4:20-21)
Looking back, beyond the initial pain and confusion, I now know that God used Amy Burgess’ life to reveal Himself. The friendships I had at the age of fourteen continue today at age twenty-one with even stronger bonds, and more importantly, with spiritual bonds, because we all love Jesus even more for providing for us. When the symphony performance of spring 1998 came around, Miss Burgess’ Concert band performed the tune “Amazing Grace” with white bows tied to their instruments and an empty podium before them. This was one of Amy Burgess’ favorite songs, and I know she must have heard it from heaven, and smiled.
These few quotes were taken from a list Amy Burgess compiled while teaching at Richardson North Junior High, titled “Things I’ve Learned.”
#72. Living your life for other people is a blissful way to exist.
#238. "Don't put a period where God put a comma."
#291. We can find comfort in knowing that when really major things happen in our lives that seem really bad, we are probably being protected from something later on down the road.
#292. Understanding #291 doesn't make it any easier to deal with things in our lives that seem really bad.